Personal Finance

Financial Pillow Talk

Sunday morning, I asked my husband if we could have a finance  meeting at some point that day. He agreed and I mentally figured after lunch would be a good time. Upon returning from running errands, I found him taking a nap. When he woke up two hours later, he declared he was going to the gym. After the gym, he decided to me up with some friends. Can we say passive aggressive avoidance? 

He finally came home around 11pm when I already in bed and said “Let’s talk money!” Not what I had in mind at all! However I figured we could cover at least one topic. So he propped his laptop on a pillow and we briefly looked at his retirement accounts. He was contributing at a rate of 7% to his 401k. I encouraged him to change it to 9%; he wanted 11%. We compromised at 10% once I explained the budget ramifications of making this change. He recently received a 3% raise that goes into effect next paycheck. I’m interested in seeing how this will effect our monthly budget and my mortgage payoff plan. But it’s definitely worth the tax benefits and long term savings. 
There are still many areas of our financial lives we need to discuss! I would love for us to agree upon a monthly budget, set home maintainance goals, vacation plans and long term goals for our family. Any tips on how to make a family finance meeting happen? My husband clearly is resisting it and I want us to go in to it with positivity. What has worked for your family?


10 thoughts on “Financial Pillow Talk

  1. I’ve tried the monthly-budget-meeting thing with my wife, and it never works. Honestly, she just doesn’t care about that stuff and I’m ok with this. She trusts me to run the finances. But this doesn’t mean we don’t communicate about money. I’m constantly asking her about any upcoming expenses for the boys or herself, and I plan accordingly. We could definitely communicate more about this stuff, but I think we’re heading in the right direction. It’s a process that we’re always refining, and I don’t think there’s a blueprint for it since her and I are both wired so differently.

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  2. It isn’t easy. I’m similar in that I am much more interested than he is. But we agree on the long term goals – the most important one being to pay off the mortgage early and not to have up sell our investment property. Then I do the ‘execution’ ie moving money into the right accounts. I love to travel and we recently had a discussion about a holiday which frankly wasn’t in the budget (2 others are over the next 12 months) and we agreed not to go on that holiday because of the cost. I’d start with agreeing on your values and goals and then your budget should reflect those things.

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  3. One technique I learnt off The Frugal Girl is monthly email updates. We have verbal discussions about overall goals and values, but I’m the one who obsessively tracks the receipts and bank statements and analyse the data in excel, so I email my partner my findings and recommendations. I say that whatever my recommendations are, it’s FINAL and I’m actioning it unless he has different thoughts, which forces him to talk about it.

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  4. Ice cream! Really though, have a positive going along with a less “fun” discussion like money. We are just figuring out financial meetings together too, but we have found we’re more likely to meet if there is a bonus feeling to the meeting. It sounds like for you the bonus IS the meeting, so track down a bonus for him…maybe start with “Hey hon, I was thinking about adding a date night fund to our budget…” 😉

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  5. I am so happy I’m not the only one out there trying to pin down a husband so he can hear OUR financial goals! My husband seems perfectly content just handing the responsibility over to me. I will give him some credit though, he is great at not spending money. He used to be horrible at managing money and then I took away his credit cards and started handing him a weekly allowance. Now he knows I mean business!

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  6. I think my husband and I have the opposite problem. We sometimes talk about our personal finance too much (accounting and finance backgrounds) but we are not always on the same page, it gets exhausting. When it comes to investing though he knows a whole lot more. We normally do up our budget in December for the following 12 month and have a `general consensus`on the figures. If there is something I would like to change or revisit, I wait until he is relaxed, like when we go for our evening strolls every once in a while in the summer. The fresh air and cool breeze. Plus, he has nowhere to go cause its just the two of us going for our walk….he has to listen to I don`t tell him in advance that I will be discussing our finances though. Also, its important to end the conversation talking about something different and possibly more upbeat. This I found worked well too.

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